Why is everybody such a downer?

I haven't written a blog in a couple of days, but others have been eagerly reporting on the demise of Western Civilization. The way I see it is that we have a few problems to deal with, that may lead to a quick and certain Armageddon.
1)Global Warming- Either it doesn't exist, it will kill a large minority of us, or all of mankind will be in mortal peril from this menace. As of now the economy sucks so nobody cares about this issue. Hopefully it isn't so serious, otherwise we will all be eating each other soon, with Al Gore as our benevolent overlord.
2)Nukes-I could probably buy a nuke from Russia, so I have no clue what Iran is doing trying to build one of its own. On that note, how can North Korea build a nuke quicker than you??? And with nobody noticing! Kim Jong Il is a sneaky fellow, you have to give him that much. Anyways, Iran has threatened to nuke Israel, possibly starting a nuclear holocaust in the process. This in turn will lead to us being mutated freaks, and yes people will probably eat each other.
3)Money-Where did it go? Maybe 7 people in the world actually understand what is going on, everyone else just pretends. Seriously, how does getting a journalism degree lead one to be an expert on subprime mortgages. In any event, if we all run out of money we can become farmers again, and I imagine our lives will be like that of Tom Sawyer.
4)Demographics-We don't have enough children, thus we will be overrun by people that do have children. This kid in England has the right idea. Don't let anyone tell you that 13 is to young to become a father.
5)Sad news articles-The situation seems so bad from the news that everyone will spontaneously agree to drink the Kool-Aid.
6)Aliens-You know they're out there, David Duchovney told me.
7)Robots-I'm hoping they'll be like the robots in futurama, awesome. Although they may kill you.
8)Lastly, Killer clowns-Clowns are scary.

Hopefully, we'll stay resilient and manage to survive without eating each other.